Coping With Pregnancy Loss
It is quite normal that you feel shock, grief, fall into depression, you are haunted by the feeling of guilt, experience anger and frustration when you lose a pregnancy. The days, weeks and even months following the loss of a pregnancy may be very difficult and painful, especially if it isn’t your first miscarriage or if you have carefully planned this pregnancy, wanted this baby and thought that you did everything right, in the way it ought to be. If you told your relatives that you were expectant a baby, now you will have to inform them of your grief. Often the sympathy of your relatives can make your loss even bitter…
We want to give you some tips on how you can more easily live through this tragic period:
- Understand that it's not your fault. The loss of a pregnancy or its complications can strike anyone. Talk openly and honestly with your partner about what happened and how it’s affecting you. Remember that there is no right or wrong way to deal with the grief. Take all your senses as they are, and don't judge yourself or your partner for how you react.
- Give yourself time to accept it. Don't pressure yourself to leave the bitterness of the loss in the past. Your healing will be more complete if you live your grief as it comes. As you know, time heals, and over some time you will feel better.
- Take few days off or a sick leave (vacation). Even if you physically feel good, taking some time off your job may do you good. You need time to think over what happened and cope with your loss, while the working atmosphere won’t be of help in this situation. Moreover, as your thoughts are far away, you are unlikely to perform your professional duties well.
- Don't expect your partner to show his feelings in the same way as you. If your partner seems to be indifferent, not caring about the child loss, may we remind you that men and women grieve differently. While women tend to express their feelings seeking support from others, men tend to keep their feelings inside, overcoming troubles in the soul. In addition, men often realize they must be staying strong to take care of their wives. So do not rush to call your husband an emotionless egoist, most likely, he feels the same just trying not to show his feelings. Sharing with him your needs and feelings may lead both of you to a faster recovery from the grief.
- Don't shrink into yourself. Though talking about losing a child is quite painful, but a trouble shared with your partner or best friend would help you feel a little better. You may be surprised to know that your friend turns out to have lived through the similar. Your girlfriend may happen to tell you something comforting, but definitely not what you expect to her to say. Try not to take too close to the heart her saying something wrong (or not saying anything at all).
- Ask for professional support. Find a good psychotherapist or psychiatrist to help you cope with the loss of the child. Don't keep it all inside – sometimes help comes from where you least expect it!